Living & Dying Well | Practical Steps (Pre-Cana Couples)

Before You Say “I Do,” Talk About This

Marriage preparation covers a lot of ground. But one of the most important conversations you can have as a couple, one that will shape your whole life together, is about how you want to live and die. Not because it's morbid, but because it's how Catholics build a life of genuine love.

Name each other as your Life-Affirming Medical Proxy (LAMP).

A LAMP is the person legally authorized to make medical decisions for you if you cannot make them yourself. For married couples, this is usually a natural fit. But it needs to be done in writing, and that person needs to know your values in detail. Complete a Catholic Health Care Directive together, early in your marriage. This is an act of trust and love.

Have the hard conversation now, not in a crisis.

Talk about what each of you believes about life-sustaining treatment, about hospice care, about what “enough” looks like at the end of life. The Church insists that we never aim at the death of an innocent person (either by action or omission), but it does not require us to pursue every possible medical intervention. It asks us to care for life at all times and to discern together when burdens of medical treatments outweigh benefits. Doing that discernment in advance, in peace, is a gift you give each other.

Designate a clinical “quarterback.”

Before a health crisis hits, each of you should have a primary care provider who knows your values. This is the person who coordinates your care and advocates for you with specialists. In Catholic terms, think of this as building your medical team intentionally, the way you'd choose a godparent.

Build your spiritual team.

Know who your parish priest is and how to reach him in an emergency. The Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick is not just for the moment of death; it is a sacrament of healing and strength, available whenever someone faces serious illness. Make sure your priest knows you and vice versa.

Ask the pre-Cana question the Church has always known matters:

"Who will care for our parents when the time comes?” Decisions made about where you will live, what kind of housing you choose, how you spend money, and more should be made with you’re the good of your parents firmly in mind. The commandment to ‘honor your father and mother’ is, in some ways, even more important and you and they get older.